I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
