drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
