i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
