; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
