is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
