im holly from the hills drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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