Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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