best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
