If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
