You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize