If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
