you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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