Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
