Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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