she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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