i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
