how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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