I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize