I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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