I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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