The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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