ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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