I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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