You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
