Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
