My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
