Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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