I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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