Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
