remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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