apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
