but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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