I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
