tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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