my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
worst night to have a conscience
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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