If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
