Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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