I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
