God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
