woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
