JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
