i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My dad just said "fuck circus"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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