Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
