who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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