Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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