Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
