if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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