Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I sprained my soul last night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i think i just lost a toe
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
