Your face is a jimmy john
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think your dad took our porno
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
