Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As shirtless as possible
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
