sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
