he wants to bone in the snuggie
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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