If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
