So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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