I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
