so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
