im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
