i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
