Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
