omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
