Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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