Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who put my cat in the fridge?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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