bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
