you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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