"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
