As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
