The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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