I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
