Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
