Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
