and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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