K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
