Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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