my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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